Coming together for the holidays

On a recent segment of MSNBC, Yale University chief psychiatry resident Dr. Amanda Calhoun spoke to MSNBC host Joy Reid about ways liberals, who are devastated by Trump’s re-election this week, can cope with the news of the election, which also included separating from loved ones during the holiday season that voted for Trump.

“So, if you are going into a situation where you have family members, where you have close friends who you know have voted in ways that are against you… it’s completely fine to not be around those people and to tell them why,” Calhoun told Reid.

This same Yale Professor appeared before The View, saying basically the same thing as before, this time Sunny Hostin had this to say, “I really do feel that this candidate, you know, President-elect

it’s more of a moral issue for me and I think it’s more of a moral issue for other people,” she said. “We’re just — you know, I would say it was different when, let’s say, Bush got elected. You may not have agreed with his policies, but you didn’t feel like he was a deeply flawed person, deeply flawed by character, deeply flawed in morality.”

So continues the ongoing cycle of the mass media. There is little doubt that the country is divided. However, I wonder sometimes if our thirst for controversy, the media’s need for viewership, and political agendas work to continue to keep our nation divided. What I think is detestable and almost cult-like is to continue to foster an environment that separates families and communities.

There is also little doubt that our disagreements are far more different than they were years ago. New views on topics like LGBTQ and gender remain contentious, and with the Roe VS Wade reversal, or views on the border, heat continues to rise. That said, I wonder if there are some things that we can find agreement on for at least one day of the year. Like maybe how much the Dallas Cowboys need to find a new owner?

Regardless of how we look at the history of Thanksgiving. It seems like we can still come together and be thankful for something, and choose to have civil discourse.

I do get that there are family dynamics that sometimes make it impossible for people to get together, but for the rest of us can we put our differences aside and enjoy good food, maybe watch a movie or football, and agree to disagree at least for one day of the year?

One of my favorite stories was the Christmas of 1914, during WWI when roughly 100,000 British and German troops put their hostility aside along the Western Front for Christmas Day. The Germans placed candles on their trenches and on Christmas trees, then continued the celebration by singing Christmas carols. The British responded by singing carols of their own. Even during a war with extreme differences, they figured it out.

I’m not a professional therapist but common sense tells me that when a family or friend decides to get together for the holidays, if certain subjects like politics will cause the mood to sour to the point no one can enjoy a good meal, leave the discourse for another day. If your political party or person won the election, maybe just maybe not gloating will keep the time civil.

Here are some things to help keep things positive during the holidays:

1. Remember What’s Important – pull out old scrapbooks and photo albums. Talk about the good old days. Talk about the shared things you are thankful for and looking forward to.

2. Choose not to have Heated Arguments – Avoid personal attacks and topics that will make the mood sour.

3. Involve Everyone in both the Preparation and Cleanup 4. Come with some Pre-planned Games and Activities – Don’t fret if they don’t work out. The goal is to make the time fun, not stressful.

5. Keep the Expectations Realistic – Sometimes a turkey will burn, the rolls will be rocks, the activities we had will bomb, and the Cowboys may lose, however, the goal is to enjoy family and friends. Come expecting to give grace.

Also, how we approach having alcohol and such should be a consideration.

Each family is unique with different ways they do things and different dynamics surrounding a holiday celebration. Conversations will be diverse, and food will be different, but I hope that we will all go to the dinner table this year no matter who won the election and enjoy the good times we have had in the past and find things in our personal life to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving!